Congratulations!

Dear Ms. R______,

I would like to congratulate you. You have been selected for this year's C. Liam Brown Memorial Scholarship Award Grant Funding Enticement Incitement Honour GiftGrant Awardlarship Memorial Money Prize Foundation Present Cash.

To claim these fine, fine moneys please write a 214-word essay detailing the history of China and all neighbouring countries (i.e. anything east of, say, Bangladesh) (but not, like, Australia obviously) from 5000 BCE to 1971 CE, inclusive, with a particular focus on the dynasties beginning with 'Z' or 'X' [Pinyin English transcription only: e.g., Xin but not Qin].

The essay should be printed on standard 20cm x 25cm glossy, yellow-bound index cards and collated in MLA format. No page numbers should appear on even-numbered pages, including but not limited to pages with odd page numbers printed on reverse (opposite) sides/cards.

We are very excited to offer you this Memorial ChequePrizeShip. Please submit all (all) required materials and one DNA sample by telegraph prior to end of business day three (3) days before receipt of this message.

Sincerely,
C. Liam Brown [deceased]